Response to Bill Frist

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So, I wake up this morning and receive an email from the GOP. This is not unusual, considering it's nearing election time and they constantly bombard my inbox calling me to action to vote in surveys, donate money, etc. Yea, so today's begging and pleading comes from none other than Sen Bill Frist. I sent a short, sweet "F-U" via email response, but I figure I can lay down a more formal response here at the Poker Pub.


Dear $hitbag no... that's not it... accurate, but not it.

Take 2... Dear Douche. wait, again... still accurate but again not it...

OK, Take three

Dear Senator Frist,

I'm writing to you in direct response to your ecampaign email you sent to me via the RNC, asking for money to counter Senators Kennedy and Kerry's contribution to the DNC. The heading of said email says "Our country can't afford a democrat victory." While I am a registered Republican, and typically fall along party lines MOST of the time, I find your selected heading laughable at best.

You see, Bill... Unlike some people... I am coming straight out and telling you that I do not like you at all. I'm not going to cowardly shake your hand, smile, contribute and attach my dislike for you and what "you people" stand for to commentary made under my breath after you've walked away from me. I am a straight forward guy with a clear agenda. I do not like what you stand for and I want you to know it.

When you firmly tell me in your email that "the Democrats are wrong on every issue: From surveillance of international calls coming into our country to securing our borders to keeping the economy strong,"... I think to myself, hell... this guy may be right (no pun intended). But, just because the Democrats on the far left don't have a clue, it doesn't mean you or your far right do either, Bill.

You move on to say that "As the (joke of a) Senate Majority Leader, I've worked closely with the leaders of the Democrat Party, and I can say without a doubt they have repeatedly proven to lack the credibility and ideas needed to lead the United States Congress."

But wait, there's more... You continue on to say "Harry Reid, who would be Senate Majority Leader if the Democrats win -- has called President Bush a "loser" and repeatedly uses obstructionist tactics including the threat of shutting down the Senate in order to (your words, mind you) "screw things up." "

So, Bill, what you're telling me is that every Democrat you've worked with is lacks compitancy? You know, there's a clinical term we normal people associate with that... You know, when you are believing you're the only person who's sane and the rest of the world is just f-ing nuts... You're the one who is insane... It's "insanity." Now say it with me really quick a few times before some Senator attaches a law forbidding anyone, including other politicians from calling any member of our Regime government "silly," "a loser," or "insane" to some unrelated bill that helps homeless people.

I'd really like to say that you stopped there, Bill, but you did not. You continue on to say "Democrats hope to win on November 7th by using vicious and angry attacks against our Party and our President instead of proposing solutionsto the issues that face America."

Funny you should point that out, and yet overlook the "tone" of your email to me, Bill. Isn't that like one turd Senator calling another turd Senator a piece of $hit, Bill?

And then you P.S. me... "P.S. - Michael, the Democrats will do and say anything to win this November. We urgently need your help as we enter the home stretch of the campaign..."

"P.P.S. And please, make sure your family, friends and colleagues vote on November 7th."

Bill, I will honor one thing for you on November 7th... I will bring my family, my friends, and my colleagues to vote on November 7th. Though, really, if it were up to you... would there even be a vote? You seemingly know what's best for America, and believe we're incapable of making our own decisions. Thus you place unrelated legislation on the backside of a bill aimed at securing our nation's ports - making it illegal for online gambling.

I am proud to say that I accept your challenge, Bill Frist. I will rise to action on election day. I will get out there and vote early, you know, before the right to vote is taken away from the American People. And while I may not line up with the far left, I sure do not share the same values as you. I'll bring with me all of my friends and family who you deceived with the passing of the UIGEA act, piggybacked on the SAFE Port Act. And along with them, I'll bring the people you put out of work by affecting online poker playing. And with them, we'll bring the people who could have benefitted from the extra tax revenue we could have obtained by regulating the industry as opposed to trying to alienate it.

And finally, Bill, I hope that each and every one of your partners, you know, the ones who wish to shove their moral values right down the throat of our people get voted out of office, and I'll do all I can to help that occur... By the way, this is the very same practice that we as a country condemn when other countries governments try to "force" their beliefs onto that of their citizens. And Bill, did you bother to tell anyone your dirty little secret? Did you mention that thanks to you, the work of Jack Abramoff lives on? Did you tell the people that his bill and the UIGEA that YOU sponsored and all your buddies supported are in fact nearly one in the same?

See you and your friends in the unemployment line,

Mike